Love After 35: 7 Patterns From Women Who Met Their Partners Later Than Expected

I've collected dozens of stories from women who found love in their mid-thirties and beyond. Here's what they all have in common:

If you've been following along with the Love After 35 email series, you know why I created it. When I was 35 and single, I was worried about timelines. I was thinking I might not meet a partner in time to become a mother. I felt stressed and truly left behind.

The thing that helped me the most during that era was looking at other women who had also met their partners much later than they expected but still had the family they wanted and the love story that was uniquely theirs.

Just because it hadn't happened yet didn't mean it wasn't going to happen at all.

That's what the Love After 35 series was born from. And over the past year, I've collected dozens of stories, had countless conversations with clients and women in the Turning community, and spent six years interviewing women on my podcast about how they found love.

I've seen clear patterns emerge. And today I want to share them with you so this isn't just about hope, but also a little bit educational.

Pattern 1: They all struggled

Every single woman I've spoken to said they found it hard before they met their partner. Not one person has said "I didn't find it difficult waiting for love." They all struggled in some way with feeling like it might not happen for them. They collected stories about how love was harder for them compared to others. They experienced despair and a feeling of running out of time. They dealt with constant comparison and the frustration of being the last single friend.

Even the women who went on to meet their partners on dating apps spoke about how discouraging and frustrating it was while they were in that world. The rejections, the mismatches, all of it. So if it feels hard right now, I want you to know that difficulty is not an indicator of it always being hard. And it's definitely not an indicator that you won't go on to meet a partner!

I've actually noticed that when women are finding love particularly difficult, when the dating world feels jaded and exhausting, it's often a sign that a shift is coming. There's a theory in manifestation about the darkness that comes just before you find the thing you're looking for. Some of my most difficult times searching for love were just before Ellie (my husband) and I met.

Pattern 2: Random coincidence played a role

Almost every story I hear has some sort of element you can't really explain. The invisible string theory, parallel paths, a feeling of divine timing. "I was just about to move country and then I met my person." "I was about to cancel the date but went anyway." "I was going to delete the apps but had one more swipe."

These things don't make logical sense. And that lack of logic tells me there's so much randomness in love. So many things outside our control. I don't think love always finds us when we least expect it. But I do think the way it happens is often not how we expected. The pattern isn't about waiting without expecting anything, but being open to it showing up differently than you imagined.

The lesson here is to follow the breadcrumbs. Do the thing you want to do. Go on that solo trip. Sign up for that course. Move country if that's on your bucket list. Don't stop living because you're waiting for love to come. The opposite happens when you do those things, when you put yourself in random positions and open yourself up to possibility.

Pattern 3: They were in action mode

Almost every single woman was doing things when she was single. Building a beautiful single chapter. Not just sitting around waiting.

So many of the submissions said things like "I knew I couldn't just sit around anymore and wait for love to come" or "I couldn't stay in victim mode on my living room floor crying. I had to go out there."

And I'm not just talking about putting yourself out there dating. I'm talking about going and living your life, building a single chapter that you'll look back on as a gift. Almost every woman had built an incredible life for herself.

When you're in this waiting period, it can be tempting to think: I'll wait to quit my job and move country to see if I meet someone. I'll wait to buy that furniture I love because maybe I'll move in with somebody next year. But the trust I spoke about earlier should take you to a place of activity, not passivity. Not sitting back saying "Okay universe, do your thing and bring the person to me."

Pattern 4: They did the inner work

Most of the stories I hear are preceded with some form of self-development. A course, getting a coach, going to therapy, a retreat. Opening yourself up to ownership and taking responsibility for your life.I hear the pushback on this. "If my friend met somebody straight out of university and never had to do any of this work, then why do I?"

The answer is that this work isn't a bad thing. It's going to change you. Heal you. Learning to love yourself and being in self-worth is going to serve you your whole life, no matter your relationship status. And the truth is that when love finds us, it's never easy. All relationships are mirrors, and they're going to affect you. The more work you do on yourself now, the more it's going to benefit your future relationship.

Pattern 5: They reached surrender and acceptance

Not every story has this, but quite a lot do. That feeling of being single and finally at peace with it.

I often speak about building a really solid foundation on which relationships can thrive. That foundation isn't built on frustration, anger, grief. We want to work through those emotions, but what's really important is finally accepting that we're on a different timeline.

Yes, some friends are already married with kids. Maybe you've become an expat or had a huge career change. It doesn't matter. The point is accepting and surrendering to the fact that this is your timeline.

The stories that resonate with me most have that feeling of: I'm still taking action. I'm still working on myself. I'm still proactively looking for a relationship. And I'm not afraid to do that work. But I also accept it will happen differently than I imagined. I surrender to not knowing. I surrender to the lack of control and uncertainty.

Pattern 6: The relationship felt different because it felt safe

Many women, in fact most women, said their relationship felt different because it felt safe. And many compared it to an absence of huge fireworks and sparks flying everywhere. It didn't feel as anxious as before. They felt more secure, more listened to.

Some stories did talk about a click, a specific moment when they just knew, butterflies included. So I'm not casting that out completely. But that wasn't my story, and it's not many women's stories.

The biggest thing here is knowing that if it's a slower burn or if it feels safe and maybe a little bit boring, that's actually a really good sign.

Pattern 7: Just keep going

Every single woman, when I ask what advice she'd give to the single version of herself or to a woman in my community who is single right now, says the same thing.

Just keep going. It will happen. There's nothing wrong with you. Don't give up.

So many of them said they really had gotten to the point where it felt like that was it for them. Like it wasn't going to happen. And they still went on that next date. They still listened to that little nudge. They still followed that breadcrumb. They still had that random, serendipitous moment.

That's what I want to leave you with today. If there's anything you take from this, it's knowing that even if it's hard, even if you're going on a huge journey with yourself, even if you think you're doing all of the things to call in love and you still can't find a partner, just keep going.

If Love After 35 has resonated with you, if you're reading those stories and thinking "I want that to be me someday," I want to invite you to join the Turning community.

When I was single at 33, 34, 35, I was looking for a coaching group where I could do this work and be supported and meet other women. I couldn't find one that fit, so I created Turning.

Inside, you'll find the Turning curriculum, guest workshops, live coaching with me, a 24/7 community group, and accountability challenges. So many women who have been inside for almost a year are already in relationships and sharing their journeys alongside the single women.

If you have any questions, feel free to reach out. I hope to meet you inside.

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x Emma